I <3 U, K?

"Sounds...hellish. In a good way...maybe," James replied, smiling sheepishly.

"...What did you mean...reading this?"

He raised an eyebrow, getting a confused look on his face.

"Oh, she's got this book with, like, every single life in it..." he stopped, collecting his thoughts and remembering questions people had asked him about it before. "No joke, every life, yours and mine and beyond. And she can read them, write in them to change things, but basically reads everything we say and do and think like a novel."

He shrugged.

"No big."

James gave a nervous laugh.

"S-seriously? She..." James looked up at Justin, looking for any hint in the brunet's face that it was a joke, or some sort of...hyperbole or...exaggeration or...no...Justin's face was calm, serious, he had said this like he was discussing the weather.

"And you think she's...reading this now," he muttered, looking up at the ceiling, somewhat dumbfounded.

He shook his head, letting out a wry chuckle. "No, I won't even both doubting. The world loves proving me wrong. If she can change what happens in stories, she probably made the elevator fall in the first place, just so you could save me. Or she stopped it from killing us. Or she knew you'd get there in time and did nothing. Shit I'm going to get a headache overanalyzing this, is that what you have to deal with every day?"

he knew the answer before Justin even said it.

"Of course, stupid question. Why am I asking. I'm just talking myself into going insane at this point. Give me a good reason to stop, and I'll stop." He rolled his eyes at the ceiling, not sure what had gotten into him, when just a minute ago he'd been rolling around on the floor laughing his idiot ass off.

Maybe just the idea of someone watching his every movement, knowing his every thought, every outcome, every choice he'd make pissed him off a little, even though he had no logical reason to believe it other than the fact that the world loved proving him wrong.

Oh the mood swings of teenagers.

Justin grinned.

"She doesn't interfere much. Honestly, most is just like weird coincidence and lack of luck. She might be reading, might not, I'm not the only interesting person in her life right now." he concluded with a chuckle.

"No need to worry."

James nodded, sighing with a small smile of his own. He stood, rolling his neck and wincing as it popped.

"You never told me what the group is called, or what they really do," he said, hoping he wasn't pushing his luck with all the questions.

"I mean, I still don't really see how I could fit into all of this."




(something needs to happen soon the dialogue is getting annoying XD; is jubby gonna sweep him away to wonderland or what?)

"AlIaS." Justin said bluntly.

"Apparently it's called that for a reason but I never figured it out. And don't worry about it, you'll never know how you fit in either." He shook his head.

"Even I have no idea what I'm doing. GO with the flow, that's all."

He sighed.

"But I really oughta take you somewhere... safer, now. Realizations and the brand are kinda like a shock wave, anything evil within this entire world knows you, now, and knows what you're gonna do. And usually, evil doesn't like that." He stared at James sadly for a moment, mulling it over in his head. And then sighed.

"Anyone you need to say goodbye to? You won't see them for a while."

James thought about his parents, how crushed and angry and hurt they'd be if they found out he was leaving everything behind, everything they had dreamed of and hoped for in a son. They had wanted him so badly, had tried for kids for three years before the doctors finally told them that they'd have to adopt. He was everything to them, even if they weren't everything to him, and it hurt knowing just how betrayed they would feel.

He ran a hand through his hair, and sighed, shaking his head.

"No, better for my parents to think I'm dead rather than ditching them for adventures. Better for them to mourn their only son than hate him."

James bit his lip. "Or is that selfish of me? Putting that on them, all that grief instead of giving them the closure of some sort of goodbye, even if it would mean being disinherited? God, I don't know anymore. It feels cowardly to run off without some sort of explanation, but..."

But he didn't want his last memeory of them to be bitter or painful. He didn't want to have to shove the memory of their angry, bitter faces away into the depths of his mind, forever questioning if he should have stayed just so they would be happy.

But then, James had never wanted the life they wanted for him. He wanted to feel, to think, to dream for himself, even if it meant he woudln't always be able to pay the rent or he'd have to get a part time job. He didn't want an Ivy League school, a corporation to manage, people to impress. He didn't care what people thought about him.

Justin sighed.

Yeah, he didn't know if he had been lucky or not. For one, the only family he had left was basically brought with him. He hadn't had to worry about saying goodbye or any of those heartbreaking looks because the people who might have done that when he had said goodbye went with him.

Granted, the reason he hadn't had anyone to say goodbye to was because his parents had been brutally murdered, one right in front of his eyes, and he was too terrified and socially out of it to even make friends or whatever and that kinda made him lonely back then, even though he knew he didn't deserve it.

Now he didn't know for sure if he would have been able to say goodbye or not and that... well, that kinda sucked. Now he felt bad. Dammit, guilt.

"Sorry... I honestly don't know, never said goodbye, really..."

"Either way I probably won't be seeing them again..." James shook his head, rubbed his face. "I guess it would be better if they thought I'm dead...I don't want to...see their anger. We should just...go. Make some sort of story that I was in an explosion and there aren't any remains left."

He winced at how awful it sounded, but he knew his parents and his name would forever be blackened in their hearts if he had to tell them he was leaving. They'd be better off honoring him and thinking wistfully of his childhood and all the potential he had had, of what a success he would have been. Maybe they'd adopt another kid after the hurt faded, or two because they had always regretted how lonely he had been.

"Yeah...I think that would be best for them." He smiled at Justin, trying to make it seem like it didn't really matter after all, that it didn't hurt him half as much as it seemed. But he knew the smile was fake, that he would feel guilt for this decision for years.

Justin bit his lip.

Yeah, he could read that expression like an open book.

"One more day." He said with a tone of finality. "You can give them the perfect day, make sure the last thing they hear from you is "I love you" or something, and then we'll leave when you go to school or whatever..." he gave a bitter chuckle, not sure why he was suddenly feeling somewhat jealous, but then he figured out why, and he kinda understood. "They're probably already wondering where you are..."

James looked down at the floor and nodded. "Yeah, I owe it to them. Least I can do..."

He could already see how it would play out. When he got home he'd tell his dad he was finally ready to talk to him about colleges, that they could start filling out the forms and getting his future in order. His dad would be so happy, so proud, so relieved that his son had finally gotten his act together. James would apologize for being so cold and unresponsive, for making them worry about him. He'd tell them he had just been having trouble imagining leaving all of this behind and starting somewhere new where he'd be expected to be the best of the best, where it wouldn't be easy anymore. If only they really knew.

He'd tell them he wanted to go eat out, that they should celebrate, and he'd smile and laugh with them like he hadn't in years, just to be the perfect son for one day, just to give them that one glimmer of relief and hope for him before it was all taken away.

"Guess I should get to it then," he said quietly, looking up at Justin and again trying that pathetic little smile.

He glanced at the elevator and cringed. "Uh...Stairs. Right. Where exactly are they?"

Justin pointed to their left, lips pursed.

Right...

Judging by the look on James' face, Justin had a few more things to learn about... people.

In general.

...

Wow, he really felt like he screwed up somehow.

James nodded, swallowing. His mouth was so dry all of a sudden, and he couldn't think of anything else to say. Was there anything left that he was supposed to say, something to make things right, to stop the dread from pooling in his gut, to assure Justin that he would be fine?

James was never good with words, so if there was some magical sentence to set things right, well James would be the last to know.

So after a pause to get his thought in order, he turned in the indicated direction and began walking, not sure if Justin was going to follow or not. He hoped so, because that was a lot of stairs and a lot of time to think and change his mind and panic, but he wouldn't ask Justin to come. That just felt...weak.

"So, uhm..."

Justin watched him go, hoping his eyes didn't give anything away.

"I..."

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"I'll see you later..."

He'd found the new Recruit, after all. He had to call Jaden, notify him and tell him to keep his eyes open and be ready for anything. The call Torn and make sure he knew and that they had to get ready. Then a brand needed to be prepared. Then LC needed to read the initiation, Justin needed to rune him, and lots of other... shit...

God, he had so much to do.

James walked down the hall, eyes searching for the emergency stairs door. There. Still jarred open from when Justin had probably come running out to rescue him. The blond propped it open and slid inside, wincing as bright flourescent lighting flickered on. So many stairs...At least they weren't glass, he thought grimly to himself. He gripped the railing and began the descent, suddenly too tired to bother hurrying his pace. Plus it would be kind of bad if he tripped over his own feet and landed on the bottom floor all bruised and bloodied and probably dead. Justin would probably be pissed.

James allowed himself a grim smile, repressing the urge to look over the railing and see how many more flights to go. Looking was always bad. Very very bad. Hell he used to get scared just looking over the banister of two stories. Then he had learned to stop looking. It made everything better, just staring at his shoes as he stepped down, down down. Listening to the hollow echoes of his footseps as he reached the end of one flight and continued down another, trying to stop himself from thinking, from feeling. Meditating to the rhythms of his descent. Or was that going too far?

He was surprised when the stairs ended and he was walking on solid ground, and then opening the door and stepping into the sparkling lobby and then out the doors and he was outside, and strangely the sun was going down and his parents were probably going to kill him for leaving the house without so much as a note or a text or...

The blond reached into his pocket and pulled out his cellphone. It was off. Shit...Stupid thing had probably died on him again. His parents would not be happy. So much for the perfect son business...

He sighed and began the long trek home, knowing it would have taken only a few minutes by car if he were smart enough to get his stupid license already.

Justin let out one last heavy breath, watching the door to the stairs shut, before kicking the ground and heading... somewhere.

He really didn't want to take the stairs. To hear the heavy echo of James' footsteps as he descended. Like a dead man walking, really.

No, he'd go to one of the windows down the hole. Jar it open and scale to the fire escape everyone had leading to a window in their apartments. He'd get to his room that way, he'd done it before. Just climb and climb.

Hell, maybe he'd skip out on his room entirely and just head for the roof. he could grab his phone and make the calls up there, better reception anyways, and no walls or eavesdroppers to worry about.

Yeah, he'd do that.

So Justin turned on his heel and did just that.

James scuffed down the sidewalk, shivering a little as a breeze picked up and cut through the thin material of his shirt. He rolled his eyes at nothing in particular and lowered his eyes back to the ground, watching for any stray garbage or wads of gum that were lying in wait. His parents would probably be just about ready to jump in the car and start searching the town for him.

They were kind of paranoid, he supposed it came from being an only child of extremely welathy parents. Yeah, probably. It would kind of suck to be kidnapped and then they'd have to pay ransom, probably fork over some ridiculous amount of money, and then they'd all be killed anyway. Those situations weren't much fun.

Justin glared at the phone in hand and pursed his lips, walking idly along the concrete barrier placed to keep idiots from falling (though the idiots designing it also forgot that idiots could jump). He mentally skimmed through the list of people he had to call to get James ready and became more and more wary as the list grew.

He didn't even like half these people.

Giving a heavy sigh, Justin dialed the first number and brought it to his hear.

"... Hey, Drein."

Twenty-seven minutes later and James was fumbling in his pocket for his keys. Something stopped him though, and on pure whim, he reached out to try the front door to see if it was locked.

Nope. Open.

...Great...

He turned the handle quietly and stepped through the door soundlessly, slipping out of his shoes and then continuing down the lit hall on tip-toeing socked feet, fully knowing it would be futile in the end.

He peeked into the kitchen. Ah. There they were. Lounging on the barstools before one of several counter islands, sipping red wine and talking in low voices. His mother didn't even bat an eyelash as James entered the room, Mr. Larson merely raised an eyebrow and continued on with what he had been saying.

So they were giving him the silent treatment. That meant they were mildly pissed, enough to ground him, not enough to actually yell or take any of his technology away. So basically nothing of any consequence.

But then it was a huge consequence if it meant they were angry and disappointed in him when he was supposed to be wowing them for one last night before he left them...Damn was this going to be difficult.

He walked up to them and slid into a barstool next to his dad, ready to wait for a break in the conversation.

Thankfully he didn't have to wait long, apparently the surprise of their son actually willingly coming up to communicate with his parents was enough to get them to face him and completely abandon whatever important topic they were discussing. His mom didn't try to conceal her surprise, his dad on the other hand looked a bit doubtful, and was probably ready to send James up to his room if he said something wrong.

"Um...You probably want to know where I was all day I'm assuming?"

It was pretty funny that even after all these years, the stare of his parents was still so disconcerting.

James nodded to himself and scratched the back of his neck, buying a few seconds to make sure he got his story straight.

"First of all, I'm really sorry for not telling you guys about where I went. Something...came up. I had to get out of the house and I had forgotten to charge my phone. It died probably an hour or two ago. And...I guess I got too caught up in my thoughts to really...try to get access to a phone somewhere. I should have, I'm sorry."

Mrs. Larson finally spoke, to James' imminent relief. "Are you going to tell us where you were then?"

He nodded. "Yeah, yeah I was getting to that. See...I...I've been really...overwhelmed, the past three or four years now, what with you and Dad and Grandpa and Grandma and all the aunts and uncles and pretty much everyone telling me I need to get myself into an Ivy League college, make a name for myself, take every rigorous course I can get my hands on at school. It was just a lot all at once, the weight of everyone's expectations and I guess I felt like I couldn't really handle it so I closed myself off and I'm sorry about that."

Now they both looked suitably shocked, like James had just grown angel wings and a halo was floating over his head and a choir of angels was singing. But then that was kind of horrifically ironic and probably an awful simile to come up with given the circumstances.

Hell, he had started and he would have to keep going, they were both silent again.

"I don't know today I just had to get out of the house and go think for a while, without all this" he gestured with his hands at the grandeur of the house, and his parents both looked around like they were finally seeing it for the first time, "around me. I had to think about what I really want for my future, where I want to go for college and what I want to do with my life after that. I was down by the pier for a few hours, just walking and thinking, and then I walked around town for a bit. That's all, you guys know I don't go places and do things, I didn't get in trouble doing things I shouldn't have so you can stop worrying."

At least the pier thing was kind of true, and he had walked around town to get back home. Hopefully it was believable. he sure knew they were hearing what they wanted to hear, so hopefully their minds would fill in the gaps.

Finally, his dad spoke. "Son...I'm glad that you seem to have finally come to your senses. Your mother and I have been so concerned about you, and all we've ever done has been for your benefit. We just want you to be successful and happy."

James let out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding. They bought it. Victory. Was. His.

So he nodded and smiled, and then his mom, suddenly tearing up, stood and hugged him, and he hugged her back. It had been months...maybe a year since he had hugged his mom back. Guilt filled him at that realization, so he hugged her just a little tighter and a little longer.

"What's with the emo tone?"

Justin cursed under his breath, though he knew it was just as audible to the person on the other end of the speaker. Of course Jaden would be able to read him like an open book. He'd always been good at that. Justin just hadn't thought of that when he had gone to dial the number. he'd already called practically everyone that he had needed to and after that, Justin had really wanted to called someone he had actually desired a conversation with.

"I don't want to talk about it." he bit out, deciding to stick to business. And, of course, Jaden wasn't going to let that happen.

"Okay, sounds good. But what is it you don't want to talk about so I know not to talk about it?"

God dammit.

"Look, just..." he sighed. "I found a Recruit. And I need to run through the preliminaries with you, to make sure I've got it all covered."

"Who is he?"

...

Well, that was necessary information.

"His names is James and-"

"Oooh, James? He seems nice~"

"I will knife you."

"Wow, sensing some bitterness here! Where is the guy?"

And Justin blew up. Because suddenly, James' little elevator freak out and the im-ing revelation and the blond passing out twice and the realization that James had everything he hadn't suddenlympissednhim off so much that he forgot where he even was for a plot second.

"I don't know! Probably with his parents, yucking it up, being all family-like and lovey and crap! What do i care, I'm Recruiting the guy and he needs to say goodbye to everyone! And he should count himself lucky! I didn't have anyone to say goodbye to, I've never even been hugged by my mother! Ever! When she signed me out of the hospital, all she asked was if I had been a good kid! Then nothin'!" Justin scowled and he knew that Jaden knew he was scowling.

The evening passed in a strange sort of haze. It was like James had become another person for the night, doing everything he could to maintain the facade that he knew would make his parents the most happy.

They had gone out to dinner at one of those ridiculous restaurants where you needed six month reservations just to be seen at the door (his parents knew people and always got in without even a ten minute wait, and who ever cared about reservations?) and they ordered ridiculously expensive gourmet food with names that James could never dream of pronouncing correctly.

So he laughed and smiled until his face hurt, and he could just see it in their eyes that all their worries about him were flooding away until they were convinced he had been set straight on his path to success and ever-coveted fortune, because of course he couldn't live off of them forever.

And underneath it all he became even more convinced of the wrongness of the life he would have been dragged into if he were to stay here, to go on with this lie. It wasn't exactly a comfort, but it helped convince him that what he was doing was right, that he wouldn't come to regret this.

By the time they were driving back home the sun had long set and James' throat burned from so much talking and acting. He couldn't quite wrap his mind around it, it had seemed too good to be true that his parents would so easily buy his story. They must have been really worried, to the point of desperation. Willing to find any silver lining to a hopeless situation. He sighed and leaned into the plush leather seat, closing his eyes as his parents chattered enthusiastically about colleges and majors. They were happy now, they wouldn't mind if he just...closed his eyes for a...second...

"And I know I chose this life, in a twisted sort of way, and not even really because I was basically born into this life either way, all thanks to dear old Dad, who never even tried to come and see me, and people always tell me that he couldn't but he was a fucking Cleric for God's sake, and a badass demon killing, monster hunting one at that so don't give me the bullshit that he couldn't have just broken into the hospital or something because I know better and I don't give a shit what anyone else says, he didn't try!

"And here I was, actually beginning to enjoy my life here, even with the school and shit and life here was so nice and peaceful and there was an ocean! Jaden, I could actually go to the ocean and not be fearing for my life because this is a neutral, first neutral I've been to in centuries, and I knew that if I went to the ocean I wouldn't have to worry about a freak grabbing me and using to drag me to the depths or seeing the ghosts of everyone who drowned there or remembering Selphie and the way she reached for my hand but I couldn't fucking reach far enough and she got torn into pieces!

"And then I met this guy on the Internet, because i actually have freetime, and he was amazing and I really really liked him and he was so nice and he didn't freak out when I broke the number one rule and told him and I didn't even think twice about breaking the rule in the first and I'm still okay with the fact that I did! And then we met in real life and, okay, it was kinda bad and awkward at first cause it was this guy I would get into awful fights with at school but he was okay with it and we got over it and I really like him and he really likes me!

"But then the brand started going and I freaked out and I hurt him and I just feel so awful about it but then he went and made it worse and he ran and I ran after him cause he's a Recruit, he can't go running off on his own when everyone and their mothers uncle knows what he is and what he is and what he's going to become and then he went all stupid and got himself stuck in the elevator and when I went to try and help him, he freaked out and begged me not to hurt him or something and it hurt me so goddamn much because he doesn't actually trust me and he was lying to me the whole time about us being okay and it hurts Jaden, it really fucking hurts and now I feel all this guilt but it isn't for James because I'm more pissed at him than guilty and I'm guilty because I'm remembering and I'm afraid that I'm-"

... Holy shit.

Dear God, was this the root of it all? The awful pain that had been festering inside him all this time and Justin had just ignored it because he didn't want to remember, oh God, he didn't want to remember-

"Because you're afraid that you're moving on from Okami..." Jaden blessedly finished for him, because Justin could even think those words, let alone say them aloud.

"I miss him so much..." Justin nearly sobbed, suddenly so overrun and exhausted by everything that the once-sturdy wall that had been placed in his mind to protect him from all this pain came crashing down. "I can't live without him, I can't do this, James... James is amazing, but he's not Okami, and he never will be, and Okami was just so perfect in every way and I can't... I just..."

Justin took in a shaky breathy and squeezed his eyes shut to try and regain control over his emotions. But it wasn't working and everything around him was just gone and all he could think of was the aching hole he felt, that swallowed up his entire being.

"I can't do this without Okami..."

"Justin..." he heard Jaden breath over the phone, tone heavy. They were both pretty tired, then.

"Look, I can't tell you that it's going to be okay. God knows I want to, brut I could never bring myself to lie to you like that again.monce was awful enough, and you don't deserve it, not now, and not ever. Okami was literally everything to you and you know better than anyone else that you honestly should not be alive right now. You should have died with him because that's what a -Attach is supposed to do, it's supposed to drag you both down so one doesn't ever have to face life without the other.

"An Attach, whether its Preborn, Positive, Negative, or Branched, is the most sacred and pure connection ever known to anyone anywhere and he severed it and that was just wrong on so many levels and you will never be okay." Jaden paused over the receiver.

"I'm sorry." the boy added, almost as an afterthought. But Justin couldn't blame him for being so blunt, it was true, totally and irrevocably true.

And now he was going to "live" forever and suffer through the worst pain ever recorded.

But what the hell did it matter. He'd been dying since the day he was born.

"You think he meant a word he said?" A harsh, grinding voice echoed through the air, bouncing off nonexistent walls and reverberating eerily.

James flinched. Yeah, now would be a good time to leave.

"How are you supposed to know he wasn't lying the whole time just to hurt you more?"

He had to go. If he stayed much longer he'd try shouting at the voice, justifying Justin's actions and his own feelings for the other.

"He didn't kill you already because he enjoys watching you suffer, it brings him joy that you couldn't comprehend."

Camden gritted his teeth and snarled, "That's a lie!"

Shit, he had to go. Now he was acknowledging the Nightmare. And he had no backup. Shitshitshit how did he get to the Lucid Realm again...

"Give yourself to me, all the power you could ever dream of will be yours. And he can be yours, you can beat him into obedience, he will never betray you, will never hurt you. His eyes will be for you alone, and you will have the power to punish him-"

It was crooning in his ear now, like it was singing a lullaby. Fucking hell it was terrifying, he needed to go, why hadn't he left when he had had the chance?! He was a Lucid for God's sake, and the first rule was always keep your partner glued to your side and if they weren't there with you, run to the Lucid realm and don't look back.

Why was he so distracted? Why couldn't he think straight? He couldn't even remember how to Wake Up, how to go to another Realm, how to think! This never happened, he had gotten past this stage almost a year ago! There had been plenty of times when he had fallen asleep before Rowan and had just gone to the Lucid Realm to wait, what was wrong with him now?

"He can be yours." The voice was softer yet, a whisper, tickling the back of his neck with a soft exhalation of breath, and suddenly it was Justin speaking, and Camden shut his eyes and swallowed hard because he couldn't look at Justin now or he'd never escape.

"So pathetically stupid. Take me. I'm right here."

But it wasn't Justin. Wasn't the Justin he had come to know in those last few hours yesterday and over the months on the computer screen. It wasn't him.

So Camden clenched his fists and backed away, muttering under his breath as he fought to remember some scrap of a detail on how to force himself to Wake Up. Spinning in circles? No...that helped keep you Dreaming. Maybe...digging his nails into his palms. Would that do the trick?

"Going to run away again? Going to get yourself stuck up a tree with no way down? Am I going to have to rescue you again?" And it chuckled, following Camden slowly, leisurely.

Now it was goading him, trying to get him to fight. It knew it had him, but if he tried to run away it would lose everything, so it needed to tempt him.

"Take me," Justin's voice repeated, heavily overlaid with lust and need. Right in his ear.

If it was so close then why wouldn't it just kill him already? Camden would never understand Nightmares.